True Stories of Eight Complete Idiots in America
Below we have a compilation of eight funny, but true, stories of some completely idiotic things people have done in America. Enjoy!
Idiot #1 – True Story of a Man in San Francisco
A San Francisco man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote a note that said “This iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.” While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, the man began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and that they might call the police before he reached the teller’s window. So he left the Bank of America branch and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few minutes in line at the second bank, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, told the man that she could not accept his robbery note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “Okay” and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Idiot #2 – Boeing Employees
Not too long ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the company’s fleet of 747s. They had no problems getting the raft out of the plane and home. However, when they took the life raft for a pleasure cruise on the river, they were surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming straight at them. You see, it turns out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. Here’s a shocker… The group are no longer Boeing employees.
Idiot #3 – Ant Eater’s Mother
“John” (we’ll call him John) was a medical student doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center of a Nashville, Tennessee hospital. On his first day of work, a woman called the hospital very upset because she caught her young daughter eating ants. John quickly reassured her that the ants were not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. The woman calmed down, and at the end of the conversation she happened to mention that she had given her daughter some ant poison to eat, thinking it would kill the ants. John then told the woman that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away.
Idiot #4 – Boston Speeder
A Boston, Massachusetts motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. The man later received a speeding ticket in the US Mail for $40, along with the photo of his speeding car. Instead of payment, the man sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40 fine.
Idiot #5 – Ann Arbor Burger King Guy
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man recently walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A.M. He then flashed a gun and demanded all the cash from the registers. The clerk turned him down, saying he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the would-be thief ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
Idiot #6 – Michigan Robbers
Two robbers entered a record shop in Michigan, nervously waving their hand guns. The first one shouted, “Nobody move!” When his partner moved, the startled first robber shot his accomplice. (See kids, crime doesn’t pay.)
Idiot #7 – Corner Store Bandit
A guy walked into a little corner store in Tempe, Arizona with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He then told the cashier to put it in the bag as well. Surprisingly, the cashier refused, saying it was “Because I don’t believe you are over 21.” Confused, the robber said he was in fact over 21, but the clerk still refused to give the scotch to the man because he didn’t believe him.
That’s when the thief showed his intelligence by taking his driver’s license out of his wallet and handing it to the store clerk. The clerk gave the man’s license a good look, agreed that the man was in fact over 21, and he put the scotch in the bag with the money. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier then promptly called the police and gave them the name and address of the robber that he got off the guy’s license.
The thief was arrested two hours later at his own home.
Idiot #8 – Little Rock Liquor Store Guy
This guy in Little Rock, Arkansas wanted some alcohol really, really bad. But, it was late and the liquor store was closed. So, he got the bright idea that he’d just throw a nice cinder block through the liquor stores front window, grab some booze, and run off. Lifting the 25+ pound cinder block high above his head, the man smashed it into the window. But, the cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him out cold. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass, instead of traditional glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Luckily for the guy, he didn’t end up a Darwin Award winner.